"Can I ask you a question, April?"
"When you dream ... are you .. thin?"
I couldn't be sure, that day in the school library.
Was that my dream?
To be thin?
And now I can finally answer that question.
No - in my dreams I live the same days I do when awake. Sometimes to the point where I'm tired from working all night (not in a red-light district way) and then having to go and do it for real!
But I never dream I'm thin - because that's not me. I'll never be 'thin' - I don't want to be. I just want to be healthy.
I want to swap clothes with my girlfriends - I want to meet the man of my dreams and not feel like at any minute he might want to 'downsize' - I want to know that when I have kids I'll be able to chase them all night and day and still have the energy to tell Mr Dream Man how much I love him - I want my friends and family to see that the April they have always loved is happier than she has ever been before - I want to make the most of the life I have because I can.
I'm going to do it - and I really hope that when I do, all the people who've supported me know I did it as much for them as I did for me.